Sara Mendes da Costa talks about moving on after a break-up.
OK, so we’ve all had our hearts broken, and that’s no fun at all, but they say ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ and I reckon that’s a good motto.
I think anything naff that occurs in our lives is an opportunity to grow, so – if he left you and if you can get past the grief, the anger, the throwing things around, the punching cushions (hopefully just cushions!) and the burning of the photos, then I reckon you can find an inner strength enabling you to move on even stronger than before. Plus, you get to learn what it is you do want … cos, let’s face it … at this point you know what it is you don’t want! (an arse who’s clearly left the best thing since sliced bread and who’ll likely regret it for the rest of his/her life! – that’s you by the way)
And, of course, if you did the leaving, it shows you’ve been considering what hasn’t been working for you and what you want instead. I believe this is key, in all walks of life; if you don’t like something, ask yourself what you want instead, and focus on that … and whatever happens, focus on things that make you feel good.
Honestly, I think women can be brilliant at break-ups. That might sound a bit weird. Let me clarify: women have a habit of reinventing themselves. They might go on a diet, go to the gym/get fit, get their hair done, have counselling, coaching, beauty/cosmetic treatments, all sorts of things to reinvent themselves. Obviously this is a generalisation but I’ve watched it happen many, many times. It’s like they’re saying, ‘hey world … I’m back and I’m happy … and I mean business.’
I think many women are pretty damn capable too and multi-taskers of course, and perhaps are happier or at least find it easier being single than a lot of guys? (Sorry to any lovely gents reading this – I’m sure you’re the exception and are pretty damned awesome at all this stuff too!) … but I’ve noticed a trend with women in particular and I’ve witnessed all sorts of wonderful transformations during those all-important times of being single. And let’s face it, if we, as women, have grown as people, have learned to feel better and have become happier … it’s gonna be much better for our partners in the next relationship we attract.
We all love company, we all love being in love, but I think we can get so much from being single. From taking that time out on our own, and connecting with who we are. Whether we had a choice in the break-up or not, the result is space. Time, space and an opportunity to think, learn and grow – and my suggestion would be, however hard it seems initially, go through that hardship; live it until you can move through it and start growing again – you’ll be really glad you did.
So, if you find yourself on the end of a break-up, my advice is to take stock. Evaluate where you are. You don’t have a partner with you right now so there’s no one to take up your time. Brilliant! Start formulating the recipe for your perfect future. And make sure the ingredients are truly delicious. You have a blank canvass … start drawing! Create your life like a work of art – using any colour you like ☺
For Maggie Parsons there’s only ever been one man: the stunningly delicious Luke Henderson. Unfortunately, he left her, without explanation, after their ‘first night’ together … breaking her heart in the process.
Now ten years on, without any contact, he’s back and going to her school reunion. Great! And, to confuse matters, so is his suave, sexy, brother Tony who makes a major play for Maggie, then turns up with his insufferable – supposedly ex – fiancee!
Via the reunion, a black eye, getting the sack (as a result) a madcap girlie holiday and juggling her confused emotions around the two alluring brothers…Maggie starts to build a picture of what she really wants in life.
Trouble is, Maggie’s a pawn in a game she doesn’t even know she’s playing … and things are about to get a whole lot more complicated.
Sara Mendes da Costa is the voice of the BT Speaking Clock and she is a world-renowned voiceover artist. She is a lover of laughter, creativity, great storytelling, a wee dram, and adores writing novels and seeks to entertain, uplift and inspire. Peanuts & Eggcups is her debut novel.