Hilary Grossman share her experiences trying to convert a commitment-phobic man into a husband.
“What were you thinking?” I was asked by one of the girl’s in my office, as she held up her copy of Dangled Carat and pointed to it.
“Huh?” Was the best response I could give as I had no clue where she was headed.
“First, you went to a guy’s house on the first date! And second, you had more than one glass of wine? What were you a hussy or something?”
She was right. I wasn’t perfect. I did I make, and continue to make mistakes. But who doesn’t? Unfortunately none of us are perfect in real life. We make choices every day. Sometimes they are good ones, and sometimes they are not so great. But hopefully we learn and grow from the errors we make.
When I decided to write Dangled Carat, and share my experience about my attempt to convert a commitment-phobic man into a husband, I struggled with choosing if I wanted to fictionalize it or leave it as a memoir. It would have been very easy to hid myself behind a character. But I just couldn’t do it.
While many of the things that happened to me (two faux engagement parties, for example) were very unique, being involved in a relationship with a commitment-phobe is a very common situation. I felt that my story was something so many women could relate to.
But more than that, I wanted to share my story in the hopes that I could help someone who was in the same situation. It is a very difficult position to be in. Everyone in your life has an opinion and “advice”. You always seem to be second guessing yourself and your actions. My desire to help has been accomplished! I recently received an email from a self-described commitment phobic male reader who shared that after reading the book he realized some of the ways he has sabotaged his relationships in the past. He completely related to Marc, and told me how he learned that he has to go at his own pace regardless of what the other person seems to want.
As I read, and re-read his email, I was so thankful I decided to share my story, my real story, the good, the bad and the embarrassing.
Hilary had gotten used to dating the commitment-phobic Marc, thirteen years her senior. They had a great relationship – why rush into things? She saw no need to pressure him for marriage, believing that when the time was right, he would propose. But after they had been together for four years, their friends decided to take matters into their own hands, pushing Marc to propose and making Hilary realize how much she really did want to marry the man that she loved. Unfortunately, Marc still wasn’t ready – and their friends’ meddling in the form of a faux engagement party led to a disastrous New Year’s Eve that brought their relationship to an inevitable turning point.
Hilary Grossman dated a guy so commitment-phobic that she was able to write a book about their relationship. She is currently the CFO of a beverage alcohol importer and lives on Long Island.