What should you do when a friendship needs a bit of therapy, asks C.C. Solomon?
Go to a therapist to repair a friendship? There is relationship counseling and family counseling but what about friendship counseling? I heard on the radio one day that more people are going to counseling to mend friendships and I’ve seen this done on TV shows (Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Golden Girls) but I wonder if it’s really worth it.
People go to marriage/family counseling because there are things at stake, a marriage or a parent/child relationship, that if broken could cause long-standing harm. But if I have a problem with a girlfriend do I want to shell out dough to be friends again? I mean, isn’t there something to the saying about being friends for a season? At what point is a friendship worth mending?
I explore the idea of friendship, both in the good times and the bad, in my novel, The Mission. I venture to say that a friendship is worth working to maintain if the friend was like family (I mean, how would those Sex and the City women survive in New York without each other, rarely did you see their family in all 6 seasons).
It’s also worth it if you’ve known each other for a long time. A long time could be decades or a few years but I deem it whatever is enough for that person to have been planted enough in your life to have many long-lasting memories and whose presence could not be replaced quickly or easily.
It’s worth it if what broke you up was not something serious. If you’re my friend and you cheated with my boyfriend, well, I don’t care if we’ve known each other since elementary school: the friendship is dead. But if it was a misunderstanding, an argument, I think it’s worth working on. If you’d work on it with your man, then work on it with your girl.
One thing to note is that if a friendship feels like it has run its course then don’t force it to stay close. You wouldn’t be fulfilled and might even get resentful. Sometimes we have friends that we just relate to differently or at different levels. I have friends that I was joined at the hip to in college and we aren’t now but we still connect via Facebook and we might meet up once in a blue moon, maybe with years passing by. I have friends that got married but that doesn’t mean I don’t invite them out or do different types of outings with them (everyone loves a good brunch!).
In sum, I do think, for the most part, that friendships are worth investing in, even for a therapist. Because like a good man they are hard to come by and unlike family, we DID have a choice to have a relationship with them, so we might as well work it out!
Rule #6: Be mysterious, but always approachable … keep him wanting more! Rule #11: Always remember, no sex in the beginning. Make him wait!
Rule #19: You’ve got to give a little to get a little. Be giving of yourself, and it will make a lasting impression to keep your Mr. Right.
Sheila and Denise are successful, funny and attractive, but very single women. Not that being single is horrible; but when Denise is hassled to have a date to an old friend’s wedding-of-the-century, and Shelia needs an escort to an industry banquet where everyone who’s anyone will be in attendance, being single loses its perks. To add to the dilemma, Sheila tells a little white lie to her workplace nemesis about dating a successful music producer, which explodes into a career-threatening rumor. Under extreme pressure from family, friends and coworkers, they resort to making a pact. Their Mission: Get A Man in Three Months. They will use “proven” rules to finding their Mr. Rights. Rules that worked for a friend of a friend …how hard could it be?
C.C. Solomon is originally from Baltimore, Maryland and has actively written fiction since the age of eleven. She is an avid “chick lit” reader and urban fantasy fan. In 2012, she participated as a writer and actress in the 48 hour film project. In her other life, she works in Equal Employment and Civil Rights for the Federal Government. Before becoming a public servant, C.C. briefly practised law after graduating from the University of Maryland School of Law. C.C. currently resides in the Washington D.C. area and is an active blogger. The Mission is C.C.’s first novel and she is working on her next novel in the genre of urban fantasy.